~WaxandFeathers

Yes, I started a blog. No, you can't read it. It's on a free blogging service and it's probably impossible to find. There are fucking millions of those things. So why am I telling you? Because I'm feeling tired and vindictive and I know that there are fucking millions of those things so I think I should be advertising but if I actually told people what it was I'd start censoring myself because I ALWAYS DO and it would be stupid, and I'm tired enough that this brings me around to some broken logic whereby I announce its existence but not how to get there.

I guess I'm also asking for help in terms of how to advertise that sort of thing while remaining anonymous, if anyone can get over how bitchy I'm being right now. Although it tends to get sort of watered down over the internet. I'm also typing this while my sister needs to use a computer for a school project.

Why am I so mean right now? I think because I didn't sleep last night (literally didn't sleep, at all) and then went and tried to interact with people the rest of the day. People who know me tend to be surprised when they find out how fucking exhausting I find other people. I am a huge introvert, who forces myself to be around other people to build up a tolerance to them. Don't take that wrong, I LIKE people. I probably even like you. I just have a low tolerance for actual interaction. Apparently people don't know this?

The other thing that happens when I am just SO FUCKING TIRED is that I stop censoring myself. Hence the gratuitous swearing. I know that I'm doing it, I just don't care anymore. I am past caring about anything. I've hit that "feel no pain" period where apparently I am just a total asshole, because nothing matters to me. I'm too exhausted to go to bed, even. How weird is that?

The other thing that happens is that I start feeling like now, when I can finally say all that stupid shit that builds up in my head, I'd better get it over with. Because I know I won't when I'm more awake. But I'm so used to thinking "who's going to read this" that I can't, even now. I sometimes try to sound cool in my private journals as I won't look back and say "wow, I was a whiny bitch when I was 18". How pathetic is that?

So to further my tradition of just falling short of ever really telling anybody anything, I'm posting real things that I feel on the internet! It seems brave, but I am assured of not only anonymity, but obscurity. I post these things because I want people to read them. I post these things hoping that nobody ever, ever will. So screw you, people who want to read my blog. Because you just can't.